tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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