You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
