My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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