I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
