Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
