I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
