Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
