just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
