i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
