he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
