if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
