walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
