did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
