one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
