So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
