The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
