K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
