There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
