i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
