she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
