I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
