my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
