Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
