She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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