My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
