I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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