theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
