There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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