i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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