Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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