I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
