So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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