After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
