Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
