Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize