Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This baby is an asshole
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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