So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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