to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
