look no pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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