Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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