My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
