How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
