why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
