Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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