I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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