Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
