nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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