Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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