I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
