why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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