I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
