I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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