remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
