In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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