Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize