if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
