We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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