I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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