you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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