I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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