I wish life had little blips of pornography
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
