Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
