why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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