I think my fart just growled at me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
