i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
