I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
