he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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