Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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