You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
only you would photoshop your dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
