proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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