Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
