Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
