i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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