dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize