omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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