I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
