Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
