You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
