You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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