Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize