I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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